One indescribable cross

When I think about the cross sometimes I just have to pray... In my heart I know that the cross had to happen in order for me to be saved. Still, when I think of the physical pain it sometimes brings me to tears. Yet somehow that physical pain was NOTHING compared to what Christ felt as he had the sins of all mankind from the beginning of creation until the future abolishment of sin thrust upon Him. How He took that punishment and yet through it all did not once curse God, decide to come down from the cross or anything else that was well within His power. He endured until the end. I can't even imagine myself being whipped almost to the point of death without cringing. I can't imagine taking a thousand splinters into my back with a cross upon my back without wanting to stand with my back against a wall to save myself from something half as painful. I can't think about what Christ did for me and not just say "Jesus, thank you". It's so amazing what Christ did for us on Calvary, and yet when I think of what I do for others, it makes me rather sad. This cross, torture, punishment, judgement and pain was supposed to be mine. He died in my stead. He gave up His life to save me, and yet what do I do for Him? Shouldn't it be so easy to serve Him? I have a girl that I really like and I would do almost anything for her without thinking about it. Sometimes though, I would rather let the name of Christ be mocked and His glory spat upon rather than sacrifice of myself. I can't explain the true gruesomeness of Calvary. It was the most painful thing anyone could ever go through, not just the horrid tortures, but what was going on spiritually. Christ had an infinite condemnation pressed upon Him. Christ has done so much for me. What will I do for Him now? I love Him because He first loved me. Someday my hope and prayer is that I will be able to say "I gave my life up for Him because He first gave up His life for me". My prayer is that if I am martyred or give my career, time and money to Him. One day I can say truthfully say that my whole life was lived for His Glory.